Written on Black Friday at the mall on a bench outside Cinnabon.

11/25/11     4:25pm

Side Effects of Christmas:

• Fits of joy
• Random singing & laughter
• Urges to bake or give things to strangers
• Uncontrollable shopping sprees
• Flashbacks
• Guilt
• Shame
• Urges to die
• Intense anger
• Spontaneous death of self or others
• Temporary loss of judgement
• Poor clothing choices
• Weight gain or loss
• Spike in your need to watch Lifetime or The Family Channel
• Excessive picture-taking
• Loss of time
• Sitting for long periods of time alone on a mall bench wondering why it is we do this again… followed by a Cinnabon.

Red flag shopping warning signs:

• Uttering to yourself more than 3 times in a day, “Man, I must be old.”
• Sympathizing with the forlorn kiosk people
• Falling for their “Can I ask you a question?” cuz you just can’t walk any further
• Wishing you were the kid asleep in the stroller.

Please feel free to add your own.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2011