So Let’s Play

8-23-10                2:33am

I feel peaceful tonight, calm. (big smile) Listening to worship music on YouTube.

I was thinking about Tick Tick Tick today. The ending was missing something. On the end it should say, “So let’s play.” I’m not waiting for anything. If today is what I have, I’m gonna have fun. And I think you should too. Let it rain. Feel the drops on your face and smile. (rocking but happy)

Tonight is a haze. My body hurts but I’m happy. I feel free. I don’t know or care why. I feel like something big is about to happen that God’s been preparing me for. I don’t know what, good or bad, or why. I just know that it’s coming and whatever it is He’s got my back.

I am so grateful for what He’s given me. For my unique perspective. And for the ability to see that it’s time to play. Writing last night about illness and death somehow made me happy. It peaks my anxiety, but it’s like letting go of what isn’t and grabbing on to what is. And I like what is, even if it isn’t perfect.

(wave of nausea and trouble breathing… yawn.)

I can’t speak for tomorrow, but tonight I love and accept myself. It’s like a big warm hug from God. :)

It feels like I’m standing in the ocean and my emotions are changed with each passing wave… but the waves aren’t knocking me down.

It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight (goodnight). It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight… (repeat until sleeping ;) )

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010


5-25-10                 10:39pm

So, all those people who always try to convince me to eat healthy are always trying to get me to exercise as well. While I’m not against it, I don’t do it often. At least not their version.

Today I got in quite a bit of exercise, my way. Warmed up with some cardio (anxiety). Then walked to the bus stop, and up the stairs at the trolley, and to another bus, and down to Dave & Buster’s where I had a salad and a soda. I was tired.

I don’t care what anyone says. Whac-a-Mole is cardio. I was so exhausted, had to sit there and breathe for awhile.

Basketball & skee ball for strength training and coordination. I LOVE skee ball! I even made that little 100 hole in the corner once and I made a few baskets. Woohoo!

I love this view. Skee ball is good for the soul.

When I left, I was exhausted. The internet told me the bus still ran but it didn’t, so I walked to the trolley (a mile). When I got there I sat down in Panda Express and could not move or breathe. Too much. Way too much activity.

I wondered as I played skee ball with a smile why it is that I pay my gym $40 a month and never go if I have so much fun playing skee ball and Whac-a-Mole takes everything out of me. It might be smarter just to make a date with Dave & Buster’s. When I left I felt happy and tired. I felt calm. I could use more of that. Fun.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010