This morning I found myself staring at a list of questions for my biography in some book at my upcoming 10 year reunion. They all made me think. No spouse, no children. I’ve not become the me I wanted to be. I was particularly puzzled by the last prompt/question: Summary of accomplishments, dreams, travels since High School. It’s all been a blur. I had the invitation to regret, to be angry, to hate myself for what I’ve done. For the bio I came up with this. It surprised me but it’s true.
It didn’t seem complete. It’s not what I’m most proud of. So I continued it in my journal.
Summary of accomplishments, dreams, travels since High School:
- I survived. I’m alive. I’m thriving.
- Fought through mental illness
- Didn’t give up
- Found myself
- Set her free
- Learned to love her
- Continued to follow my dreams & ideas
- Learned to stand up for myself and my beliefs and eventually others’
- Learned assertiveness & put it into practice
- I’ve begun to tolerate being alone
- Developed systems of change for myself and others
- I refused to give up
- I didn’t hurt myself
- Separated myself from Mom
- Learned to see her as a person
- Got my license
- Weathered DBSA through thick & thin
- Joined a church I’m active in
- Stood up for my beliefs, even when it got me fired
- Learned to trust
- Stopped running away
- Owned/Developed pride in me
- Learned how to tolerate anxiety
- Continued to grow my resourcefulness
- Had a relationship
- Made real friends
- Learned how to manage money
- Didn’t forget
- Didn’t let go of the dream
- Took care of my body & teeth
I am pretty fucking awesome. Today Dr. N told me he’s proud of me, that I’ve accomplished something 2 years ago he didn’t think was possible – in terms of my wellness. He said he knew I had potential but didn’t expect this. It feels good that he’s proud of me and that he sees and appreciates the positive change I work so hard on every day.
Today I went to the casino and practiced the word Patient. I tried Compassion but it was too hard. I want to learn to be Patient. Now I’m off to dye a llama purple with blackberries, if I don’t eat them all first. ;) I love fruit. I have two biopsies coming up. Wish me luck.
© Michelle Routhieaux 2013