Category Archives: Hope

Thank God for Dr. N

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5-17-10                 1pm

I appreciate my doctor today. He’s awesome. He may not know what’s wrong with me but he certainly does care.

I left him a copy of “I don’t know” is NOT acceptable at the hospital on Friday. I knew it was him calling this morning super early but I was too tired to pick up the phone. When he called again I knew I had to. I was so tired I was having trouble understanding what he said but the parts I got make me smile. He said he can see I’m very angry and that I have reason to be. He said, ““It’s not usually my practice to make stuff up and lie to people.” Lol. He said he’s not trained in neurology and therefore can’t help me with that but that he’ll do everything he can to help me with the psych stuff and that I can call him any time. (smile) I just want to hug him!

I hate phone calls when I’m sleeping but this one was good. :) Thank God for Dr. N.

©Michelle Routhieaux 2010

What keeps me going

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5-15-10          2am

Choir, FB, music, Malan, group, hugs, getting out of my house, texts from Sacha, movies, friends who aren’t idiots, texting those friends about the ones who are, my therapist, sleep, people who surprise me with their kindness, writing, and lots of burritos. And ramen, and drugs, and a good sense of humor. Musicals. Gosh, they’re wonderful. :) People who know what I’m talking about. Sing-a-longs. People who ALSO randomly sing and dance in public.

I’m listening to the “Avenue Q” soundtrack. I LOVE it. Makes me smile. :) I like this pink color too. It’s soft and fuzzy. I love that after a really crazy hard day I can sit here and type soft pink fuzzy letters while listening to “If You Were Gay” and smile until my face hurts and bounce in my chair. (big sigh) The good moments in life. :) They are what keep me going. Appreciating so deeply the special people in my life. Knowing there’s only now. (zap) Yes, only now. And now. And now. (big smile) I love musicals.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010

Keep Dancing

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I sent this to a friend today and I need to say it to myself.

“I know you are very strong to have gotten to where you are. You have calluses in the perfect places to survive the dance. But you’re still delicate enough to get blisters, still vulnerable. It’s beautiful. Keep dancing.”

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010

Love is Possible

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Got the SDGE guy to take a picture of me :)

I did something incredible today. I feel empowered and I can’t stop smiling. Love IS possible.

Last month my friend posted on FB, “There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy… like nailing jelly to a tree.” Ever since then I’ve been thinking about nailing jelly to a tree. How would I do it? Is it even possible? Well, today I tell you that it IS possible to nail jelly to a tree. With 8 packets of stolen jelly, jam and marmalade, some nails, my freezer, a hammer, and a tree borrowed from a neighbor I’ve done it! :)

I feel SO empowered. I just stood there and stared at my achievement, my art. Because for me it wasn’t just jelly nailed to a tree. It was proof that love IS possible. It’s not out of my reach. I have goosebumps and I can’t stop smiling. :) I didn’t want to take them down but the rain is coming again and it might be kind of messy.

Except for 9 tiny holes, this tree is just as it was when I met it today. But I’m not. This project has changed me. I feel hope. Pretty powerful stuff. Love is possible. I promise.

And nailing jelly to a tree is actually pretty easy. If you’d like to try it, here’s how. (And many thanks to Tim for help with the brainstorming.) I froze half the packets with the nail already through them, which made them slightly easier to put up, but it doesn’t matter.

BIG smile. :D I feel like twirling on a dance floor in a circle skirt with my arms out and screaming. (sigh) High-five, God.

The first picture in the slide show is the one of supplies.

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