I’m tired. And I’m having money problems. Second month in a row. (sigh) No doubt due to the fact that I can’t think and I’m spending money without remembering. My house is dirty. Literally. There is cat poop in the tub, dirt on the floor, dishes piled up, papers and blankets everywhere. Not due to my mom at all. Usually when she goes out of town the house slowly looks wonderful. This time it’s looking more like my dorm room close to the end at USC. I don’t know what to do. My calendar is chock full. I need rest.
I have an assessment today to join an outpatient DBT group. I really just want a nap. And to wake up to a magically clean house. I am tempted to ask for help with my home from my FB or group friends. I just haven’t. I don’t want to be in this situation. I feel like a hypocrite – the one
(stupid fucking blender refuses to work)
– who helps others learn to clean and organize but has fallen to ruin herself. I need help. I need God.
I feel the need to cancel everything on my calendar this week. It doesn’t seem possible. I need the Comfort Drive stuff OUT of my living room. I love the drive, love the movement. I need it gone. It is a wall, a literal wall. I feel like my eyes are melting. My doctor thinks maybe I’m falling apart because I’m on birth control. I don’t care why I’m disintegrating. I just need it to stop. I need. Please. Please.
I bought new lamps yesterday. They make me feel grounded. A miracle is happening here. The lady in the mirror is different. She is catty and brilliant. I have not seen her in years. Just breathe. It’s time to meet 15, hold her hand, bring her closer.Teach her how to live healthfully. Bring her out of shame.
I am sleepy. I need food. I need to go shopping.
I need the boxes out of my living room.
Time to be me.
Sooooooo… As you may know, I have a super awesome kitty named Zoe. She is black and shiny and lovely. She talks to me all day and shouts when she’s angry. Her favorite toys are my hair ties, which she often loses under the couch.
Anyway, last week Zoe got really sick. She had a very high fever and wasn’t moving. I took her to the animal hospital and they kept her for a few days – gave her medicine and fluids. She was refusing to eat or drink or pee. When I finally brought her home she started eating and peeing again. She is on the mend. Today she watched birds. She hasn’t played yet but she is cuddling and meowing and not crying anymore.
I set up a fundraising website to help pay the bill. I’m usually pretty good about budgeting for things but I never factored in a kitty emergency. I’d appreciate any help and would LOVE it if you could share the link to the site with your friends & family. Strangers are good too. ;) Every little bit counts. I’m working on getting her pet insurance. For now, I’m just grateful she’s getting well. The site is here. I’m so tired but I’m proud of myself for asking for help. It’s new for me.
So, I frequently donate my possessions to my favorite unit atSharp Mesa Vista Hospital – clothes, journals, art supplies, etc. I get rid of stuff I don’t need and feel really good doing it. This week I had the idea to have a Comfort Drive and ask my family & friends and whomever else to join me in making a hospital stay easier on the patients there.
It’s called the Give Back Comfort Drive and all the details and what you can give can be found on the flyerhere.
Sharp Mesa Vista is a local psychiatric hospital near and dear to my heart. I have spent much time there. I owe my life to them and I want to give back. Often patients arrive without clothes or other comforts of home. Simple things like an outfit, a hairbrush, or shampoo and conditioner can help them feel loved and feel like themselves again. Even a pair of underwear that fits can make someone’s day.
So, go through your closet, hit the store, or ask a friend. Let’s make it happen!