Tag Archives: grace

ALLOW

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5/23/2020

IMG_20200528_0017

IMG_20200529_0018These are the notes from my session with Soleil – a few days before the drawing. I just couldn’t get a grasp on the message to draw. God told me, “I’m holding you,” and spoke of forgiveness and courage. So true, I wrote, “The thing I hold tight is a cactus. It hurts too much to let go.” Jesus was the ultimate fallback and you see me in the drawing above doing a trust fall on God off the letter A.

After much internal writhing the word “Allow” kept coming back. Allow acceptance AND the screaming, acceptance AND the shame. Be open to everything.

©Michelle Routhieaux 2020

Unimportant Grace

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2/15/15     2:30pm

I want to die. I played Apples to Apples. I’m in a spiritual service now on repentence, turning toward goodness. Apparently lent starts next week. Hot damn. Who cares? Aside from Auntie. Not me.

     I need to go home now.
     It’s too far, too much.
     This transition will hurt.

I am proving how unneeded I am. (sigh) Damn. I am at once important and not important at all. Dr. N. It’s important to understand my unimportance. I can only get out if I do. I don’t want to. I don’t know how to know and survive. Jesus, help me. Thank you, Lord.

It is only through being unimportant that I am freed to do something else.

I don’t want chocolate.
I don’t want steak.
I only want to feel okay.
Soaring freer than ever before,
Far up over the open door,
I watch what’s left here on the ground.
Where I am headed there is no frown.
No time, no terror, no second base.
Only the glow of His great face.
I don’t want chocolate.
I don’t want steak.
I only want to feel His grace.

I miss you, Sonny.
Only surrender.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2015