Wrote this poem-like thing tonight. I’m thinking in shapes. Yes I’m safe. Yes my therapist knows. Not about the shapes but the rest. Music and rocking and writing help.

Decompensation

4-26-10                 4:14am

4:15 in the morning
Music plays whether it’s on or not
At least I love this song
Rough day
Rock almost constantly
(falling asleep)
Screamed at Mom
Wrote all day
Assessed myself

Decompensation sucks
Is it worth the joy?
Maybe.
Not right now.
Ask me in 2 weeks…

Why is it I never remember at the top that the higher I climb the harder I fall?
I guess it’s a blessing.
Would ruin the high.

I’m wanted at a group tomorrow.
I want to die.
But I’m too tired.