A Testament to the Ridiculousness of Modern Expectations

4/6/10                   3:03am

I realized this tonight, again. Modern expectations are insane. I was drinking milk from the container and my mom said to get a glass. “You should thank me,” I replied. “What?” “You’re the one who does the dishes.” If we used more of this logic, there would be much less to do.

I am a living testament. I drink from the carton. I reuse dishes. I lived in LA for 9 months and never once did dishes. I owned 4 cups and 2 plates. And I didn’t die. I don’t like soap. I avoid it whenever humanly possible. Don’t come NEAR me with anything resembling hand sanitizer. I don’t shower daily. I rewear my clothes. I eat what I’m hungry for when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m tired. I don’t diet or take fish oil or work out. I don’t wash my face with fancy potions. I don’t do any of that crap. And I’m not dead! And I rarely get sick! (Knock on wood.)

I may be ill but it’s not from behavior and I don’t have what everyone does all these things to avoid. I don’t have cancer, a cold or the flu. I don’t have food poisoning, salmonella or hepatitis. And no, I don’t wash my produce and I eat raw cookie dough. I do wear sunscreen, occasionally. I do nothing to my fingernails and they’re stronger than anyone’s I know. I’ll give you that my teeth are rotting. That is my fault. But for doing EVERYTHING wrong, I’ve turned out pretty right. I don’t even have allergies.

I say throw caution to the wind. Take a chance! Germs are your friends. I can’t imagine how much time and money I would waste if I did all these things, and how much worry I would gain. A set of ridiculous expectations.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010

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