I wore the dress tonight. I wore a beautiful new little black dress that hugs all my curves and felt beautiful. I wore my favorite pink heels and jewelry – my Imagine ring, the necklace from the recognition dinner, a beaded bracelet, and dangling rhinestone earrings. No makeup. I thought about it, but I like my actual face. Hair just down. I felt beautiful. And I wasn’t dressing up for anyone but me. Andy met me at Bing Crosby’s. I’m not sure why and he left around 8. But I dressed up for myself. And it felt good, to feel good.
I sat there tonight and just watched people. Ate french fries I’m now convinced are the best in the world and watched. I had forgotten what it feels like to feel beautiful, to look in the mirror and not want to look away. I went in Express beforehand to exchange some pants and show off their handiwork from Friday. They showed me a cute belt that actually DID agree with me. However, I was able to dodge the $29 temptation and leave with the pants and some great compliments. It was nice to sit there tonight and just listen, just for me. I wished I had invited some people to share the moment, but it was still a great moment. I wore the dress.
All day today I’d been ambivalent. I woke up excited to wear it, confused by the excitement. Then I got nervous. Why would I wear this dress? There is no occasion, nothing special. Just wear it, dammit! Then I tried it on. Mmmmm. Felt pretty. I felt excited again. I’m glad I actually did.
At Bing’s I thought about how I want 24 to be different. Tomorrow (or today really) is my 24th birthday.
Things I want to do with 24:
- Do things to make me happy or things that make me feel good
- See a movie every week or every 2 weeks – with someone or alone
- Wear clothes that show off my body and make me feel beautiful
- Dance with Russell
- Go to the Shout House
- Go ice skating
- Go to at least 1 play per season
- See an outdoor movie in Hillcrest
- Go to Possum Trot
- Try to go to the BYU Classic
- Get my toes done at least twice
- Go to the beach in the summer and go in the water
- Wear jewelry
- Make my life and surroundings represent who I am now, what I love, what makes me complete, good memories
- Say No
- Say Yes
- Tell the truth, even when it’s scary or not socially acceptable
- Keep writing
- Have fun alone
Tim says I am a young searcher. He’s right. Like an archaeologist on an adventure. I don’t know what I’m searching for but I’m open to exploring whatever I find. :)