I am not a teacher

1/17/12     3:44pm

I was thinking about Mrs. Lindsay asking if I want to be a teacher. I would LOVE to be a teacher. But I think my adherence to rules is quite lacking. I do things my own way, follow my own rules. I couldn’t get through college. My options would be plenty if I had finished.

Teaching dance is something I love to do. In my own time and my own way. I get to use my quirks to help others understand. And to understand them on their way. This kid came up to me today and told me his aunt died. I don’t know why. People tell me things. They always have.

In my 6th grade yearbook we all had to answer where we thought we’d be in 10 years. I said I’d be on Broadway or teaching kindergarten. (sad) It’s almost 15 years later. (sad) I am successful in what I do. But it’s not Michelle. How do I find Michelle?

Kids think I’m a teacher. I buy school supplies, love glitter and often carry markers. I color-code, categorize and specialize in creating systems to increase efficiency. I own a billion dry erase boards and use them every day. Systems, colors. I use sticker charts to pay my bills. And I live at Staples. But I’m not a teacher. I’m just me.

I don’t know how I got here. It was so great to see everyone today. I wish I had something great to tell them. I am the kingpin of a local non-profit. I run my own empire. Pretty cool when worded that way. I want to want me.

I miss teaching SO much. But I am not a teacher.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2012

2 thoughts on “I am not a teacher

  1. I believe there is always someone put in our lives to teach in some way or another. So with that in mind…you are one. Me too. I learn from you in ways you may not realize…like how to express myself freely. Honestly. Like that. Like this!

    • :) Thanks Debra. I know that in my world I teach every day. I’m really good at it. Cuz people just don’t learn the way teachers teach. I’m just having a lot of trouble understanding why I don’t fit in, why I couldn’t get through the bullshit to earn the paper that means I can be a “real” teacher. I love working with these kids but I’m having a hell of a time dealing with the adults. I do things my own way and they can’t seem to grasp that. One of the teachers was in my face today telling me that I don’t discipline the kids right and how I SHOULD be teaching dance because SHE knows. I just stared at her. Took everything in me not to say something. I just thank God I’m not her.

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