Polka Dots

12/26/11     2:46pm

Polka Dots. I’m having polka dots. Not the cute circles. Random splotches of extreme moods. Last night I had an intense suicidal polka dot. Right now I’m extremely agitated. None lasts more than a few hours but they can be dangerous. It helps that I know they will pass. But they’re still intense.

What do you do with polka dots? They do not belong to all of us. I was thinking about that last night. When one or more of us is freaking out, the others aren’t. It is not appropriate to change everyone’s meds and you can’t just change one.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND!

I would never give 3 more Seroquel. I wouldn’t give her Seroquel at all. 13 could use some, but I don’t see her often. She wants to kill herself ‘cuz nobody cares. She is so alone.

If I  could split it all up I would:

  • Give 3 a hug and a meal & sleep plan
  • Put 7 in school
  • Put 13 in therapy and on an SSRI
  • Get 25 a job and a diet
  • Do anything necessary to lift Fairy Godmother’s depression.

The polka dots make sense if split out, but I’m SO CONFUSED!

© Michelle Routhieaux 2011

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4 thoughts on “Polka Dots

  1. I am in awe of your courage in sharing your story. I too have DID and the process of discovery is a painful one. I honor your strength and thank you for being a voice to this. I’m glad to have found your blog.

    Blessings, Joan

    • Thanks, Joan. I don’t post about it often and when I do I never mention what I’m posting about. It just seems like creative writing. I don’t know what to do with it. I’d like to find a support group but have been unsuccessful. How do you cope? I’m open about my Bipolar and somewhat less about being Borderline, but DID is not something I generally share. People just don’t get it. I don’t even get it. But I figured I’d throw it out there as a tag and see if anyone else could relate.

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