Paranoia

9-5-11     1:10pm

I am watching the words flow through and around me. They echo, have a voice…

I still feel ants crawl on me.

The invisible acid rain takes over me.

The darkness is coming.

WHY IS IT FOLLOWING ME?!!
AHHHHH!!!

I thought the orange light was good but I read it again and it’s filled with darkness.

Why couldn’t I see?

Cuz you’re psychotic, Michelle.

That’s no excuse.
It’s infiltrated the system.
How can I know what is it and what’s me?
AHHHHH!!

The ants could be its messengers.
Not good. NOT GOOD.

The cockroach spiders doing that beautiful ballet last night were just waiting ’til I was asleep to inject their venom in me. I’ve been compromised at a cellular level. My body is not mine anymore. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

(deep breath)
Breathe, Michelle.

Run away. I should run away.
DON’T TOUCH ME.
Can’t eat.
Don’t you know that it’s poisoned?
I am part of the universe.
I need no food.

My mom doesn’t believe I want no food. She laughs at me. How do I know she’s not one of THEM? This is the matrix. Of COURSE I want food but I can’t chance it. Then again, if I’ve already been compromised, does it matter? I should eat everything.

I lie on the concrete and stare at the sky. I will levitate to God. He will heal me. Unless he’s the orange light which is actually darkness. In that case I’m screwed. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

I need to be struck by lightning.

I feel sleepy.

Just keep singing.
Row Row Row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,
Life is but a dream.

The ants were in on it the whole time, spying on me.
And to think, I liked the ants.

Take me to the sky.
It’s the only way.
Don’t move.
They’re watching me.

Maybe I should walk ’til I pass out.
Or ride the train.
I love the train.
Magic on wheels.

I shouldn’t be alone.
Don’t want to be with Mom.
She doesn’t believe.
They’re watching me.

If this is the end I should spend all of my money and have a ball, go out with a bang.
BUT if this is the beginning of a very long battle that would be bad.

I don’t understand.
I don’t understand.

I know. If I do my laundry all the toxins will by washed away and I will be new.

Twirling in the rain has made me clean and new. My laundry is in the wash. I can eat now. Must fend off the intruders like fire. Waiting for a rainbow.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2011

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2 thoughts on “Paranoia

  1. this is so beautiful…i love it…i shed a tear…so beautiful…i love it..i am so happy i got to meet you…am so happy to know that i am not alone…you are such a talented writer…not like you didnt know that though

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