12-19-10    3:35am

Good is so good. I had a wonderful day today. Stressful in the morning getting everything ready for singing at SeaWorld tonight. Phone calls, coordinating people and such. The weather was gloomy (my favorite) and everyone made it safely and mostly on time. The Shamu show had some extra help tonight. ;) Afterwards my mom and I and the two girls we were taking home stopped at the bay and watched the boat parade and then at InNOut…

Right now I feel kinda spaced out. Well, more than kinda. It is 3:30am. But that really has nothing to do with it. Lately I’ve been in a sort of haze. I’m either really stressed and agitated or pleasantly tuned out. I don’t feel particularly down. More like drugged. I just sit and stare. Staying home usually drives me crazy. I was sick this week and home a lot, but I was ok. It’s like half of my brain is turned off – the half that freaks out and cares. I feel very tired, very mellow, and I can’t understand what you’re saying. Sometimes it concerns me but mostly I’m grateful. It is a reprieve from the crazy, from the agitation. From the times when I can’t stop moving or rocking or repeating words. A resting time. A much needed break.

I’m grateful today for the people in my life. For getting to sing last night, and today with the choir. For having my mom who is my biggest fan and my best support. And for my God who makes it all happen. I feel joy. And I feel tired. God is so good. So so good.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010