So, I was thinking about enabling tonight. Which really bugs me. There is this thing I see happen a lot. Toxic kindness. When you tell someone they look good even though they look horrible just so you don’t have to say it. When you tell someone, “Great job,” even though they just bombed. When you smile and pretend. How does that help?
We are doing people a great injustice by being kind. Sometimes it’s more productive for us all to just say, “You suck.” Like little girls growing up in dance. It does NOT help if you think everything they do is wonderful. God forbid their teacher does. If no one ever points out their mistakes, if no one says, “You look horrible. Send that back,” how are they gonna know? They will think they are just wonderful and one day get to competition and see all these other girls that are better. They will not just wonder why they didn’t win, but also why everyone failed to mention THEY SUCK. Helpful? I think not.
Who ever decided it was bad to tell the truth? I’m a bit, okay more than a bit, directly honest than most. But it’s usually not a bad thing. If it is, it’s still just the truth. Like I said to a friend the other day, “You’re getting fat.” Okay. It’s the truth. Maybe not a socially acceptable one to point out but it’s not heresy. NOT telling the truth, NOT saying “You suck” can be harmful. Now I know there are times when lying is necessary, but not as often as people claim. I think we’re just afraid people won’t like us. That we’ll hurt someone’s feelings. That we’ll lose friends. Well, what are our friends losing because we don’t tell them? Who doesn’t help us cuz they don’t know what we need? What embarrassment might we have saved had we just said, you suck? Think about it.
© Michelle Routhieaux 2010