4/4/2010              6:09pm

Well, I’m sitting at Bing’s again. It feels like home to be back. The music melts my troubles away. Sorry it’s been so long. It’s been rough. But an earthquake has made my day wonderful.

I went to church with my mom this morning for Easter. I was upset by the program, bored by the sermon, and appalled by the music. The drama was great though. It’s your typical huge white conservative middle to upper class church with a few token blacks. I counted four today – the pianist, a soloist, an usher, and a driver/deacon. (deep breath)

We were going to go to Las Parillas for lunch but they were closed. Apparently Catholics celebrate Easter too. So we ended up at Applebee’s, and Applebee’s guy was there. Yeah. (The guy from “A New Low, or is it a High?”) However, we were not in his section. Damn. I gave our waiter a note to give to him. It said something close to:

A peanut butter sandwich cut in 4 pieces, French fries & a Diet Coke.

They will not spill the Coke. It’s too valuable. The fries will keep them at the table & they will have 4 chances to get something semi-nutritious in their mouth & not on the floor.

It was a response to a FB post of his 3 weeks ago about what to feed a retard – only I’m not his FB friend and he doesn’t know me. Then I left. I left no identifying information, just this mystery note. It was exciting, like a game, like a scavenger hunt. But I’m the only one playing.

By the time I got home I was convinced I’m a horrible person and that it was a stupid thing to do. Blah blah blah. Really it’s just Michelle thing to do. But I was exhausted and stuffed and laid down for a nap. I was awakened less than an hour later by an earthquake.

Now, nothing wakes me up. I haven’t awakened for an earthquake I think ever. This was a 7.2 centered a little over 100 miles away. Mom was on the phone. I said, “We’re having an earthquake.” “What?” “We’re having an earthquake.” “What?” “EARTHQUAKE.” Then started the show. Lol. She’s on the phone with my aunt screaming for me to get in the living room with her, then to get my shoes on, then to go outside. I’m just laughing. Really? Cuz shoes aren’t gonna save me from getting crushed and I certainly don’t want to be trapped next to the person who’s most likely to be rescuing me.

(S- needs some champagne. She’s nervous and off tonight. The noise of the bar is bothering me.)

When she dropped me off tonight Mom was scared there would be another earthquake and we would die apart. That’s sweet but unlikely. I was more afraid of dying last week than I am today. I have no regrets. I’m ready to go.

It’s funny because I’ve lived in California my whole life (that I can remember) and earthquakes don’t scare me. I think they’re cool. They fill me with awe and wonder and excitement. When things are crashing down around me I’ll be scared, but not now. It’s ironic because, no matter how long you’ve lived here, when the Earth starts to shake your first thought and sometimes question is, “Is this an earthquake?” I think it too. But there aren’t many other options.

A) Earthquake

B) Second coming of Christ

C) Really big monster dancing outside your window

Most likely A will always be your answer. You’re a liar if you claim you’ve ever been through a big one and not wondered about B. But we still ask, “What is that?”

When the shaking was over and the screaming stopped, the news and FB stream started. I could send a text during the quake but not for about 30 minutes after. Nor could I call another Verizon customer. But I could call land lines. I was excited. Adrenaline rush. A 7.2 quake is nothing to blink at. There was a small moment of fear, uncertainty, quickly followed by the knowledge that it is completely out of my control. But I don’t have to be scared. It doesn’t help. It’s not productive… …

Listening to this tonight is like sinking in quicksand. It’s bad. Mostly the mix. It also lacks energy. S- moved this weekend. I know she’s tired.

So I left a confusing note for Applebee’s guy and an earthquake made me feel better, I’m glad to be back at Bing’s and the sound is challenging me. I should get the results on my tests for Dr. L this week. We’ll see. I’m not dead yet. I walked out my front door to find two dead baby birds on my walkway. Pretty bad omen if you ask me. But that’s coming from a girl whose day was just brightened by

(There is it! The energy! It was the cheesiness of D- it so greatly needed.  And some awesome harmony. And some acapella.)

a natural disaster.

9:12pm

… I just feel calmly happy. I’m okay. I don’t need anything tonight. I can get food later. S’s drama is not my drama… I am attachment-free. I get to walk away from this. I get to go back to the drama I know, the drama that is uniquely mine. I close my eyes and just listen and breathe…

4/5/10                   1:17am

After the energy hit, the music was all uphill. I’m tired. I sent Applebee’s guy a FB message and ate some ramen. Did some planning tonight for an event in the works and a dream. It’s weird. Last week I thought I was dying and tonight I have more projects than I can handle. I also can’t stop feeling hungry and am craving El Pollo Loco. I hate that the jewelry box is paying for my vision. Optometrist tomorrow. No, I’m not pregnant. But my feet are super cold. Weird. Goodnight. –