An Appealing Addiction

5-26-14     6:19pm

Until this surgery I’d never been prescribed pain meds. Many times I should have been. Many times not. I’m watching NCIS:LA, kind of. Mom is working online. Pets are nowhere in sight. I was going to go to group but I’m too tired.

I went to see my chiropractor today. My neck has been out of whack. He played up the awesomeness of pain meds. The message from the universe lately has been “Live a little,” regarding pain meds – even from more than one of my doctors. What? I’m confused. I just want to feel better.

I’m sorry. I’m feeling very distracted and am having sensory overload from the tv, air conditioner, Mom and life outside.


(deep breath)

Dr. X was right. Narcotics numb emotional pain too. I’ve felt amazing on Norco every 4 hours but I have a limited supply. I decided to switch to PRN today. I took Motrin this morning – 800mg. I held out until after 5pm for a Norco. I was hot and weak and couldn’t stay awake. Ellie stayed with me.

I did notice today how hair-trigger my emotions are. I’m bitchy or rageful or antsy or confused. My tastebuds are off. Sounds are SO loud. I cannot do anything. When I am on Norco I’m confused but happy. I love my “mommy” and don’t care about anything. I am tempted to continue taking this Norco. The only downside is not driving, but I don’t seem to care.

What bothers me is that it’s an appealing addiction. Everyone seems in on it but me. The fact that I am helped by narcotics seems a no-brainer. (why is the sound so loud?) Why are my professionals promoting recreational use? Why don’t other things help me this much? And why am I experiencing withdrawal after only 4 days?

A small glimpse into prescription pain-killer addiction. I hope I don’t stay for the show.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2014

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