11-5-11 6:13pm

Settled disgust and helpless rage.

I’m heading to Dizzy’s. I’d rather just die. I was excited until I opened my mail. The state of CA is cutting all MediCal coverage for Adult Day Health Care. Referring to IHSS – a program on the chopping block – and case management. Right. People are going to suffer and die. Programs will close. More jobs will be lost. And MediCal spending will rise from hospitalizations, skilled nursing placements and severe relapses. But mostly people will suffer alone and die. Which is what I’ve been saying is the goal of the government for some time.

People think I’m crazy, say I’m paranoid. No, I’m RIGHT. I’m right. And I have no way to change it.

I get murderously angry. Anyone who doesn’t should be killed. But there’s nothing I can do. I am a direct-care worker, a human. My Republican friends tell me it’s Obama’s fault. (I know. They lack brains.) My lobbyist friends say I should pursue my constituents and educate them on the facts, persuade them to the right direction. Vote for better people, the “right” politicians. But there are no good or better people in politics or running. Those of us who really give a shit are on the ground working it, doing it. Saving lives, changing diapers, writing reports. For minimum wage. Because we care. I don’t have the heart to be a politician. I have a heart.

So, I sit here on the trolley that MTS fucked up writing a blog about a government I can’t fix that’s trying to kill me on my way to a jazz gig. I’m hoping there’s candy in my bag. My ipod’s dead and I forgot to eat. Fucking government. I don’t even have it in me to rant about the inclusion of a Congrats! MediCal now covers 7 million ways to stop smoking for FREE insert with the By the way we’re killing you letter. (Breathe…)

I should live in England.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2011