9-9-10 11:40pm
I was talking to a friend tonight about her new boyfriend and she was all stressed that (in a nutshell) they’re not forever material, that everything’s not quite right. I thought about it. I do it all the time. I did it tonight. I talked to a guy I kind of like and, while it may have appeared to be a conversation, it was more like math – a puzzle or equation. Does he fit? Is he what I need? Are our lives compatible? In reality it doesn’t matter. I can’t control forever. All I have is tonight and even that’s out of my hands. But I always come back to that. The forever trap.
Sugarland has a song “Settlin’” that says “Mr. Right Now not Mr. Forever.” While I do want a Mr. Forever, I want a Mr. Right Now. Because right now IS forever and it’s gone in a blink.
Right now I am happy, and cold.
Right now my thumb hurts from texting.
Right now I’m not worried about my problems. I’m just riding the trolley one-mindfully.
Right now.
I like right now.
© Michelle Routhieaux 2010
Writing Towards Happy 
I’m happy you decided to be happy right now, and be conscious about not falling into that trap. I fall into the “forever” trap with everything. Like today, instead of relaxing to get better, I’m thinking of how short my paycheck is going to be. With men, it’s the same story with a lot of women, she meets him and hopes to be his girlfriend. Becomes his girlfriend and wants to be his wife. Becomes his wife and wants to be a mother. Becomes a mother and wants to be his girlfriend again. Alex likes to say “Before too long Alex and Traci will be married.” my line is “When will we be married?” his line. “Before too long.”
It’s a good answer. ;) I tell myself, “I can’t have x person or do x thing because I will lose them.” I miss out on a lot of things.