7-5-10 3:05am
Okay, so it’s 3am and I’ve been thinking about jazz hands for awhile. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. But there is a great ignorance in the world about Jazz Hands that I feel the need to clear up.
Jazz Hands are NOT Spirit Fingers. They are not interchangeable. Please don’t mix them up. And please don’t mix them in a crowd. It gets ugly.
Spirit Fingers are the equivalent of playing air trumpet with fingers that don’t bend. Your thumb never moves. Jazz Hands are what would happen if you glued your palm to a tambourine and then played it one-handed. Your pointer finger stays pretty much motionless while the rest of your hand makes music, rotating back and forth around it.
Spirit Fingers are found on a football field on cheerleaders and people screaming things. Jazz Hands are found in a theater on people dancing and attempting to entertain you. Please don’t mix them up. You now don’t have an excuse.
I do Spirit Fingers when I mock someone. Yes, I once was a cheerleader, but the Jazz Hands crowd always wins out. Ya just can’t beat that air tambourine. ;) If you don’t know what a tambourine is, God help you.
© Michelle Routhieaux 2010
Writing Towards Happy 
+1 in the war against spirit fingers… may our victory, be swift.
Lol. Amen.
Thank you for clarifying the long held confusion over Jazz hands and Spirit Fingers. Only six months ago, my parents were arguing over this in the car – that is, until my Dad tried showing my mum. The car veered violently to the right and into a tree. Thankfully, they survived, but in a cruel twist of fate, his left arm had to be amputated. Which handily leads me to my next question:
Can Jazz Hands and Spirit Fingers be singular?
Cheer on my friend, cheer on.
Dave
South England Cheerleading Captain
I stumbled across this entry while trying to learn what Jazz Apples are. I was picturing apples wtih little arms doing jazz hands and spirit fingers, but i now know this would be very embaressing for the apple and the apple would likely not do both movements at once. Thanks for this important clarification. I know that I will now live a fuller, and richer live.
As for Dave – I’m pretty sure that Jazz Hands and Spirit Fingers are like the word Fish – the same spelling for singular or multiples.
Why do i figure if we could dig judt a little we’d learn that the “author” is a “poet”—is of an “alternative lifestyle” that can’t just suck or fuck whatever it wants & leave us alone but must get in everybody’s faces & lives—& that she spends a lotta time at Starbucks & she’s not on the “barista” (HOW I HATE THAT MAFE-UP WORD!!!) side, she’s glommed onto some grant, either Federal with us ALL paying or else she’s scammed some “university” cuz some identical-bio friends already there have hooked her up? Why do i imagine this kinda jazz (sorry Miles, sorry Mingus) would shut off like a faucet if the Wussy Industrial Complex could ever be, if not busted up & these assholes made to get some jobs, at least just IGNORED?
These people are fucking funny. Lady, you funny. Get on your unicorn & ride to the end of your rainbow—& pull the rainbow up (or down, or whatever, just fucking burn it) with you! Take your damn crystals & spirits & spirit fingers & shove ’em up your deceiving, fake-intellectual, pretentious, patronizing ass!
I think it was you gave me your middle spirit finger when you cut me off on my way to work today. Yeah, it was you: smoking a joint at the wheel of the Prius with the beach gear on top, Hillary stickers on back, & you with your jazz hands stuck at me as you cut me off and at the driver of the school bus you passed. Yeah, you’re a spirit. If it weren’t for your grant, your tenure, your trust fund, you might have some real spirit. Might have something to cry about. Meantime, & I know this is “triggering”—shutdafuckup, BITCH! “Jazz hands”. “Spirit fingers”. Take your crap and SHOVE IT, you & all you political-correct DOUCHEBAGS. You have fucked your last heads; the world is starting to puke you up.
Angel, I hope that venting was helpful for you. Have a blessed day.