I Like to Be

3-20-10                 5:19pm

Wow. How did it get to be 5 o’clock? (deep breaths…)

What do I feel? What is the experience?

I feel the pressure of my body on the bed, how it supports me, where my head meets my arm. My tongue on the back of my teeth. That feeling of differentness where my legs hang off the end of the bed. The beginnings of a headache. Heat on top of my head.

I hear the birds chirping outside the closed window, the subtle vibrating sound of the pen on the page. The neighbor’s dog. My feet crack. Myself breathe.

I’m aware that I feel very tired. I feel my heart beat. My whole body moves with its pounding. I stare at the page and am distracted by the whites of my nails.

I taste bacon fat and pizza grease. I hear my mom bitch about putting stuff away. I practice Teflon mind, choose not to reply.

I see the ripples in the blanket next to me, see the lined pattern of the grip of my pen. I feel that tickle in my eyes and nose that tells me I have to sneeze… But I don’t…

I stop to experience everything around me… Not judging. To appreciate it just as it is… There is nothing that needs to be changed or moved in this moment, fixed or organized. I don’t need to be anywhere or do anything or help anyone but myself. And right now that’s just being mindful. Living in whatever moment I’m in, experiencing my feelings without judging, just being.

I like to be.

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010

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