I found myself in an awkward situation this week. I met a guy at Applebee’s. He excites me. We had a rapid fire banter about words and Disney movies. It was great. Then he went on break and never came back.
In traditional Michelle style, I looked him up. He’s fucking hilarious. He makes me giddy. But I’m not sure what to do with it. I told my friend on FB chat and she said I had to talk to her cousin. What? Okay.
So her cousin comes on. First she says my friend says I’m a bit of a hermit but not to worry because she goes through guys like butter. Lol. Really? Okay. Then she proceeds to give me advice. I should go back to Applebee’s in “tight geans” and a low-cut blouse and wait for him to talk to me. She said I should let him dominate the conversation and not to correct him too much unless he “understands the pun.” The more she typed, the more concerned I was. And amused. She asked if I was “nerviousse” and talked a lot because that’s important. I said, “So is spelling.” “Fuck spelling,” she said. She tried to spell nervous like 5 different ways. I said, “Feeling nervous?” She didn’t get it. She said not to worry, that she’s “more literate off paper.” I said that was good, except that literate refers to reading.
I sat there and thought, “I have reached a new low.” But then I wondered if it’s really a low. Reading the crappy dating advice of an 18 year old who can’t spell and goes through guys “like butter” at 3 in the morning on Facebook may actually be a step up. It is a step in the right direction at least. I can’t expect to come in at the top. I’ve got to start somewhere, right?
So if it’s a low or a high I’m not sure. But at least it’s something. Right?