I feel overwhelmed. I’m at Auntie’s and I can’t escape the noise.
I come here to escape the noise, the technology, the pain. This time I brought it with me. I helped Auntie learn her smart phone this afternoon and missed the sunset. Geodon is making me really sensitive to sound and I feel like everything is screaming at me – phone, tv, people.
I’m sitting on the porch now. I hear distant dogs barking, the hum of traffic on a nearby road. I try not to hear Steve Harvey on the tv inside. I look up and see sparking stars. They stand out, close and present, against the living night sky. A dark blue glow hugs the skyline – hills and plants. My salty desert dirt. I can’t smell it today. Allergies. If it wasn’t cold I’d sleep out here.
What do I want?
- To have unpressured non-timed down time to be mindful in here
- To teach Auntie her phone
- To give gifts
- To go to church
- To scan photos
(stare at the stars, deep breath) Wow. The sprig of a tree stands out white in the night. I think I just learned the color indigo.
(watch the moths)
The cold is helping.
What I need is some place comfy for me to sit. That would reduce my anxiety and pain.
(stare at the stars)
They were really there, all the time.
(see a shooting star)
(ponder in which direction a “falling” star is moving)
(consider universal relativity)
This may be why I go crazy in the desert. For now, I’ll eat ice cream.
© Michelle Routhieaux 2015