8-23-10                2:33am

I feel peaceful tonight, calm. (big smile) Listening to worship music on YouTube.

I was thinking about Tick Tick Tick today. The ending was missing something. On the end it should say, “So let’s play.” I’m not waiting for anything. If today is what I have, I’m gonna have fun. And I think you should too. Let it rain. Feel the drops on your face and smile. (rocking but happy)

Tonight is a haze. My body hurts but I’m happy. I feel free. I don’t know or care why. I feel like something big is about to happen that God’s been preparing me for. I don’t know what, good or bad, or why. I just know that it’s coming and whatever it is He’s got my back.

I am so grateful for what He’s given me. For my unique perspective. And for the ability to see that it’s time to play. Writing last night about illness and death somehow made me happy. It peaks my anxiety, but it’s like letting go of what isn’t and grabbing on to what is. And I like what is, even if it isn’t perfect.

(wave of nausea and trouble breathing… yawn.)

I can’t speak for tomorrow, but tonight I love and accept myself. It’s like a big warm hug from God. :)

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It feels like I’m standing in the ocean and my emotions are changed with each passing wave… but the waves aren’t knocking me down.

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It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight (goodnight). It’s time to say goodnight… It’s time to say goodnight… (repeat until sleeping ;) )

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010