5-26-10                 2:08am

So, I don’t do well with unscheduled time. Days off are like poison. They drive me insane. But when I wake up with nothing to do, I can’t seem to figure it out. What do you do with a day?

Choir ended with the festival last Friday. It doesn’t start up again for several months. And now on my calendar I have groups and appointments. Sacha Sundays starts again in a few weeks, which I’m looking forward to. But that makes 13 scheduled hours for the MONTH. AHHHHHHHH!

When there is nothing on my calendar, my mom assumes that time will be dedicated to cleaning the house or helping her move things around. No. If she could never leave this house again that woman would be happy. But I can’t stand to be here. I need out! I need stimulation and material for thought, movement, food. I am not low-maintenance. But I don’t know what to do with a day.

I’m not in school and I don’t want to be. I can’t get a job. Don’t ask why. It’s a long explanation. And I need not to be volunteering in a hospital or around children or anything depressing. So what do you do with a day? I really need to be around people but I don’t know that many people to meet up with or who would actually do lunch. Everyone I ask always seems to be busy. And everywhere I go costs money. I’m not rich. I can’t afford to be shelling out money every day. What do you do with a day?

There is a lot of work I can do for my group. But I need to get out of my house to do it. I need an office, some place I can go to work, and a place I can LEAVE my work. You know? I’d like to volunteer somewhere I enjoy being that doesn’t require me to be super reliable. My body cannot handle steady work, but I have lots of skills. I can get shit done. I make cool things happen. What do you do with a day?

When I think about things to do, the things that come to mind are groups. But I don’t need any more groups. I need normal people activities. I belong to several Meetups but I rarely go. They just don’t interest me. It’s like I’m waiting for something. I’m just not sure what. It will happen, eventually.

God seems to drop things into my life when I least expect it. When I think there is nothing else left, something appears seemingly out of nowhere. It’s there for a reason and right on time. I just have to wait. But in the meantime, I need something to do. What do you do with YOUR day?

© Michelle Routhieaux 2010